Lately I've been noticing how often I (and others) apologize for things that don't warrant an apology. Not to say that they shouldn't be acknowleged at all but why do we feel this compulsive need to apologize? One example of this is that I was walking down the hallway at work with a client and we bumped shoulders.
"Oh, I'm so sorry" my client quickly said to me.
"Don't worry about it" I replied, instinctively.
But I continued to think about it as we continued to walk and as we sat down in my office, I said to my client that I was giving her a homework assignment. (this isn't a punishment, I often give clients "homework" to help them to reinforce things we're working on in therapy.) I told her that her homework was to work on not apologizing. I pointed out the instinct to apologize when we bumped into each other, but that maybe the better reaction would be to say "excuse me". We continued to discuss unnecessary apologies and I kept thinking about it for days afterwards. I gave myself the same homework assignment as I gave to my client- work on not apologizing when it isn't warranted- challenge myself to find the right words to respond to situations instead of just apologizing. How often do I instinctively say "I'm sorry" when a simple "excuse me" will do? Where does this compulsive need to apologize come from? I notice this now in myself and in everyone around me- what do you think? Do you apologize when there is no necessity for an apology?
The other think I noticed recently is "thank you". I'm a big believer in thanking someone when it is appropriate (and apologizing too, please don't think I'm just a big meanie who doesn't want anyone to take responsibilty for themselves) but I feel like we (ok, I, but I'm generalizing here) say thank you when it isn't necessarily the appropriate response. I noticed that whenever I leave a meeting, I say "thank you" for the person who I just met with. Why am I thanking them? They likely just gave me more work to do.
Anyways, these are just some of my thoughts...hope y'all are making it through the 9 days all right...
I've been thinking about the same thing for weeks! There's a turn in the hall near my office that's a total blind spot, and I'm always having near collisions, and I always so "sorry" and the other person responds "thats ok". it's weird becuase 1-it wasn't my fault! and 2-it's much as his or her "fault" as it is mine! It's so funny you posted this, becuase I'm trying to be mindful of just saying "excuse me" instead of apologizing.
ReplyDeleteSo true! Thanks for bringing some of the subconscious to the surface!
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