Reflections on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur

I think it's pretty normal to experience some level of stress going into Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur- especially as a parent, both with additional concerns that go along with being a parent and being responsible directly for other people, as well as concern about how much/how well you will be able to have the opportunity to daven. Being the day after Yom Kippur, I continue to think about the davening I did, and continue to hope that all of my tefillos will be answered. It was a very hard Yom Kippur for multiple reasons, including being home all day with two kids, and also the fact that this year is the first time since we got married that we actually stayed home for the chagim an didn't go to one of our parents, where there was additional support and adults around for conversation and sanity. Current stressors and issues that I'm going through (see previous posts) are also contributors to the difficulty of the day.

But I made it through- I did get some davening done, although not as much as I would have liked. I kept my sanity (whatever was left at this point) and was able to take care of my kids and meet their needs, and I was able to feel ok while fasting, which I was concerned about as well.

I think what I need to keep in perspective is that while the Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur experience is only once a year, the work is something that takes a whole year to continue, and H-shem is always open to tefillos and work on self-improvement.

And I should be working on myself the whole year as well.

Stress

This post has been rolling around in my head for about a week now, and I have just had a hard time putting it down on paper, or screen, as the case may be.

Things are really stressful right now- work is super-chaotic, between clients who have serious mental illness struggling, budget cuts making both my direct work with clients and my billing work more chaotic and stressful, and adjusting to a new schedule at home since Y has started preschool this week (yay!).

I feel like things have totally piled up, and the stress of working full time and feeling like I don't have enough time to get anything done well, or even done. Everywhere I go, I feel like there are people talking about kids of working moms and the disadvantages they face because the parents aren't around enough, or multiple stories about kids who refuse to go to the parent because they prefer the babysitter or nanny, and it just makes me want to cry!

I work really hard to make sure that I am present for my children in every way that I can and I am happy to do it- being a mom is the best part of my life! But the problem comes when everything else in my life is out of balance and I don't have anything that feels restorative for me- I decompress using TV or reading, or the computer (facebook IS a fantastic time-waster). I feel like I am at a point where I can't even identify what it would be that could better restore me, and I keep circling this place where I'm at and I can't do it for much longer!!

Any ideas of something restorative that takes no time or effort and is free or really cheap?

As a side note, Rosh Hashana is coming up this week, and I am also trying to reflect on the past year and what I want to try and work on in the new year. I hope you all have a Kesiva ve'Chasima Tova and a restorative holiday.

Another Tidbit of Cuteness

Me to Y: "I love you"
Y: "Awwww"

Seriously, where did this kid come from? He's too funny!!

New Beginnings

I have a confession to make. I'm a total nerd when it comes to school- I love new pens, notebooks, folders, binders, oh, when post-it flags came out, I was so excited and bought, well, a LOT of them. My son Y isn't quite old enough to need actual school supplies, but he is starting playgroup next week, and I'm so excited and nervous all at the same time. Cliche I know, but I just can't believe that my baby boy is big enough to start going to school, learning about real things, making projects... I look at him and see, at once, the squishy baby who smiled so sweetly and innocently, and my big boy who, while he still smiles sweetly, is deviously mischevous at the same time.

He has his new school shoes that he can't wait to wear, he's getting a Thomas backpack and lunchbag and I can't wait to take the (adorable) obligatory first day of school picture next Monday morning.

Being a full-time working mom is hard a hard job, because I wish so badly that I had more time to spend with my kids besides for an hour in the morning, two at night and weekends. I wish that I could take them both on fun and educational adventures, story hour at the library, gymboree classes, all of these fun activities that I hear my SAHM friends talk about that make my heart ache (admittedly) more than just a little bit. But I know that working is a necessity in our world, and I just work hard to try and make our time together meaningful. I just can't believe that these past three years have passed so quickly, and now he's ready for school.

Maybe next year, when he's 4, he'll need post-its and multicolored pens for school.

Check this out!

Please. Now.

p.s. thanks to my bestie Sho for telling me about this- it's fantastic!

exhaustion

Dear Blog (and dear readers),

I know I've been neglectful, and I'm sorry. I wanted to blog tonight but 5 hours of sleep and no nap have gotten the best of me. I will try to be back soon, but for now, my bed's call is louder than my blog's call. Two bedrooms+two kids=no sleep for mommy :(

Love,
Me

p.s. if anyone has any input on sleep training a baby who sleeps in YOUR ROOM or advice on how to get two kids to sleep in the same room (and actually sleep and not just play or wake each other and you up), please comment! I want to hear it!

Adjusting Expectations

I think that it's really important in life to try and find balance. That's a huge goal of mine and something I encourage my clients to find, too. An important aspect of finding balance and happiness is expectations. Evaluating one's expectations is so crucial when we find ourselves in situations where we feel upset or disappointed by others in our lives. Looking at both the overt and hidden messages that people send us with their language and actions can help us to decrease our own disappointment.

Sure, sometimes people surprise us, and behave or react in ways we don't expect, but for the most part, people are consistent. What I try to tell my clients, and work to integrate for myself, is that we can't change other people, we can only change ourselves.

It's hard to accept disappointment, because unfortunately even when we work hard to set our expectations at a reasonable place, we still have the wild card of other people's choices and actions to contend with.

Even though I teach it to my clients, it is something that I continue to work on in my own life- recite with me now, "I can only change myself, I can't change anyone else", with some deep, cleansing breaths...